“I want a therapist who doesn’t just sit there.”
The sentiment is not uncommon, and is usually expressed by a client upon our first meeting, also known as a standard intake. The intake is when I collect big-picture history including; the client’s biological, medical, behavioral, familial, spiritual, cultural and social aspects of life. This background provides me with rich context and an understanding about the person before me, on the virtual couch. Every person is greater than the list of symptoms that necessitated therapy in the first place.
“I see you’ve had therapy in the past, with a few different therapists. How was that helpful for you?” I would ask the client. “Not really. She (or He) just sat there, and listened but didn’t ask me any questions other than ‘how did that make you feel?’ I didn’t get anything out of it so I stopped going.” The client would say.
This reply signals a few things for me, and spawns a fresh branch of questions of the intake decision tree. Maybe the client struggles to sit in silence, and is unable or unwilling to identify emotions. Silence can be unnerving for many reasons, but that is part of the process. Maybe the client is shy and has difficulty starting conversation, especially with a stranger. Maybe the client was not informed about how the therapeutic relationship would work and function over time. Maybe there was just no chemistry between the client and therapist. Or, maybe the therapist was mentally checked out during the session, and phoned in the question and answer portion of the show. Can you think of other reasons why a client wouldn’t develop a connection with a therapist?
Whatever your experience, it’s safe to agree the universal basis of a relationship includes trust and rapport. Here are some things to keep in mind as you are looking for your next therapist.
Post Covid Reality
There is greater need for mental health services, and a dire shortage of availability for therapists. Expect to make many calls and send as many emails to inquire about a therapist’s availability, schedule, the cost burden to you, (do they take insurance or is this out of pocket expense), and their area of expertise. With that, unfortunately, like other professions, you might not hear back immediately, or at all. If you don’t hear back from a provider, you can assume the provider is not taking clients and you should keep reaching out. Exhausting - yes. Frustrating - absolutely. Overwhelming - could be. Don’t let that discourage you, keep reaching going. There are countless talented and qualified therapists in the field; your paths have not yet crossed.
Expedite the Search
Consider asking a safe and trusted person in your life for help in the process. Call your insurance company for a list of in network clinicians, and ask them to filter the list by your preferences and geography. Many progressive and large companies offer cursory mental health services at no additional cost. This could be an anonymous support line, short-term (6 weeks) therapy with a thrid-party provider and or referral support service to assist you in your search for long-term care. Inquire with the human resources or staffing department in your company for more information.
Courtesy, no Obligation Consultation Call
If you find yourself on the fence about starting therapy for the first time, it’s standard practice for therapists to offer a courtesy, no obligation 15 minute consultation call. This is not therapy, but provides an opportunity to ask the pressing questions referenced above. A call will also give you a feel for chemistry before you commit to an intake.
Online Directories
Headway and Psychology Today are helpful online directories with updated profiles, biographies, photos and video introductions to assist in match making.
