Laila's Moment of Silence
“I cannot hear myself think. My head is constantly on to the next thing and I can’t sit still,” Laila shared at intake. Laila enjoyed a successful career, had two young children, was single parenting and lived in a walk-up in Manhattan. She reported life being stressful but part of her process. “It was to be expected with such demands, right?. I thought I was the master of life’s juggle. I thought I had it under control.”
While everyone experiences some level of stress, it’s also true that everyone has a point at which they recognize the stress level is no longer sustainable, and they want to make a change. This was Laila’s time. She reported that the stress was triggering anxiety, and the anxiety was beginning to have a negative impact on her work performance and parenting style.
With weekly sessions and between session homework, she focused on mindfulness practice and body work to relax, get grounded and be present. She used cognitive behavioral therapy and writing exercises to understand and examine the relationship between and among triggers, thought patterns (absolute and catastrophic type), negative feelings and unhelpful behaviors.
With consistent practice, over time she was able to move the needle on the anxiety and return to her baseline. Laila was able to dispel unhelpful thoughts and beliefs that triggered negative feelings. In doing so, she was able to experience more positive feelings that elevated her mood. In turn, her behaviors that once responded to negative thoughts and feelings, had shifted giving her a true understanding of what is actually in and what is out of her control.
In the work she was able to create a practice that was sustainable, provided focus and a feeling of preparedness for the day.
“In the early morning hours, just before the sun comes up, on a cold winter day…she rolls over and places her bare feet on the floor…breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. She drives her toes into the cool wood to connect with earth and starts to wake…breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. She gently walks to the living room… identify 4 blue items in the room. The baby’s sock, a scarf, a bowl, an area rug. The apartment is flooded with the natural light of dawn and is awash soft in a hazy blueish gray hue…breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. The quiet in the apartment is spectacular and temporary in this moment. Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. There are no voices inside or out…Her mind is quiet and still and riding a sensory wave - touch, sound, scent, sight, are also coming back online after a night of sleep…Identify texture for 4…dry mouth, dry atmosphere, the cool countertop, the wool seat of the arm chair. Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4…Identify 4 sounds… She can hear the muted sounds of life through the windows from the street below, the whirl and hum of a humidifier, the mechanical operating systems of a compressor on the roof through the ceiling and the click of the switcher to the electrical current to light posts on the street. Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4…
As always, this is not clinical or medical advice or treatment. Readers should seek professional help and consult with a doctor if you are concerned about your emotional well-being, health or safety. If you are in an acute crisis and need immediate help, dial 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
